


Pertinacity

by Pas_dAutres



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alzheimer's Disease, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3602172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pas_dAutres/pseuds/Pas_dAutres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>pertinacity: the quality of holding tenaciously to a purpose, no matter what; a type of persistent determination. people who have pertinacity won’t give up.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>During their most happiest times together, all comes crumbling down when Levi starts to forget, forget, and forget…until there is nothing left to forget. But no way in hell will Eren ever give up.</p><p>This is a story of not how they fell in love, but how they lived through love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pertinacity

**Author's Note:**

> attempt at angst. it’d be great to listen to [love the way you lie pt.3 (skylar grey)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJgYRZ_JuzE) before reading; inspired me to write this. despite my research, please pardon any misrepresentation of AD.
> 
> Aug.5.2015 EDIT: it has come to my attention that some readers may have misinterpreted this story, whether if it's due to my incompetent and awfully ambiguous writing (lol probably that) or to the preconceived affiliation to the song I have referenced in this story. But as a fail-safe, I'm putting this author's note here to say that there are in any possible way, context or references of abuse (physical or mental) purposely inserted here. There may be unintentional verbal spews here and there but no abuse. Thank you.

_On the first page of our story  
_The future seemed so bright__

_Then this thing turned out so evil  
I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_.-._

He had been dressed to kill that day. Clean-cut, prim, his suit fitted and molded to every inch of his body. Hair slicked back, gelled strands visibly combed in a gentleman fashion. Held in a guarded gesture, his untouched glass of wine served as an addition to his unapproachable presence. Regal.

The only person in the crowded room whom Eren had set eyes on.

Eren made his advance, placed himself by the lone man and stopped to admire the artwork showcased on the wall.  Took a sip of his champagne and tipped his glass in greeting.

“Eren.”

His companion waited to respond, as if hesitant to reveal his identity. “Levi.”

They had met at an art show. He hated art shows. Could never understand them no matter how long Eren stared into a masterpiece. But give him credit for being a supportive friend of an artist. Eren then asked the man what he thought about the painting, to which he received a vague reply. Asked another question and got the same answer that impeded any further development in conversation.

Understanding the message, Eren turned to walk away. A call of his name halted his steps and he looked back to dull-grey eyes that were half-lidded in seeming exhaustion. A sunken complexion, one that told of a crumbling will seeping out through his eyes.

“Are you free now?”

Like being in a spellbound daze, Eren had shaken his head an immediate no. He now couldn’t imagine life after that question if answered otherwise.

“Go out with me.”

“..Now?”

“Now.”

Maybe it had been the adventurous thrill in him. Or had it been the anomalous initial attraction—the desire to know more of this Levi. Either way, Eren had set himself for happiness, and an extensive battle ahead.

“Sure.”

.-.

They sat in a cozy corner of a creamery store. It was the closest place Levi could find. Silence was their only musical accompaniment the entire walk and it continued when they settled down. Never one for reticence, Eren attempted a few questions but only got so far.

Levi. Last name still a mystery. Occupation: senior architect. No close family; just a few friends that kept him company in this city. Thirty-four years old—came as a surprise to Eren for the man looked extravagantly young. Was that an issue? Eren shook his head no; he was of legal age. Levi nodded and went back to watching others in the shop instead of his date.

Eren was oddly irked by that.

He slid over into Levi’s direction of view and teased, “You’re supposed to be paying attention to me, not that pretty girl over there.”

“Jealous?”

“More so turned-off. What kind of handsome guy asks another out and then completely ignores him?”

Levi cocked his head to one side. “What a fuckhead.”

“Fuckhead indeed. You’re not even trying to know me.”

Levi stood, went to the counter and came back a few minutes later with a large bowl of strawberry sundae. Eren eyed it with much skeptic, a little peeved to have given something without being asked.

“What if I didn’t like strawberries?”

“Do you?”

The twenty-one year old grumbled a yes and dug in.

“Now I know you like strawberries,” Levi pointed out in half-mocking. And even if it was just the slightest curve of his thin lips, Eren felt his heart in irregular beatings. It brightened his face, brought vibrancy to his life-drained complexion.

“And why me?”

He only earned a smile—one that carried too much bitterness and brittle secrets for to be ignored.

Eren was intrigued.

* * *

The climax was the most exciting part of a story. The scene everyone waited for, some miracle that would settle every conflict after much of the character’s struggle and failures and attempts. This was where happy endings laid waiting at the door for your arrival.

Know what the scary part was?

They were at the top of their highs and their story hadn’t even begun to ascend.

It was the mouth-watering scent of a hearty breakfast that awoke Eren. He rolled across the bed in a languid manner and performed a well-deserved stretch. Levi’s woodsy musk protruded his senses and if it weren’t for the delicious invite from outside, Eren would’ve sunken into this bed for the entire day.

He trekked to the kitchen where Levi was guarding the stove and their scrambled eggs and broccoli. He slipped his arms around the man—held back a yawn so he could press against Levi and plant a lazy kiss on his neck.

“Mornin’. Smells good,” Eren mumbled, his mind still in a sleepy state. No lie there. Levi could cook a mean breakfast, and his three times staying over at this place were enough testimonies.

Eren had slung himself on the shorter man, cozying up to his partner’s body-heat and the feel of their skins touching. He had a certain fixation on Levi’s waist—always liked his thick girth. The thin squishy layer of fat was a nice touch to his hard-earned muscles.

“Eren stop, I can’t move with you going koala on me.”

The brunet protested with a groan. “This is nothing. I can go full koala on you. Wanna try?”

Levi swatted him away—attempted to anyway for Eren was a willful one.

“I bet you can pick me up entirely, despite your small build.”

Levi slanted his eyes in warning. “Don’t test me.”

Eren did just that. He turned Levi around and captured his lips in full fervor. There was slight protest against Eren’s morning breath but it was all in vain as Levi moved to deepen the kiss. A small moan escaped Eren’s throat when his lover slid in a tongue along the inner crevasses of his mouth. Holding up to his earlier promise, Eren suddenly hoisted himself onto Levi, arms behind the neck and legs locked around Levi’s waist.

He loved it. Loved being held by this resilient man, loved being in his safety, his warmth, and the intensity he exuded. Levi was an attentive person, making sure to direct his efforts and attention towards Eren. He made sure the young man was cherished, looked after, and loved. There had never been such a devoted man that Eren came across before. It felt like there was an entire reserve of passion and affection that Levi had built up for so many years and finally he was spending it all on Eren.

Levi’s warm hand on his bum reminded Eren of the previous nights’ activities and the young man shivered from the memories. Pressing harder, Eren splayed his hands across Levi’s back, tight and taunt of muscles, as he tilted his head to a better angle. Mouths molded into each other, heavy breaths escaped barely in the short seconds of parting before their tongues found each other again.

It was hot, bold, and blurring up the mind with this whirlwind heat that rushed throughout his body. Eren’s senses were filled with Levi’s touches, Levi’s sighs, Levi’s scent, smoke, smoke...

 _Smoke_.

“Shit!”

They broke apart in an instant when they realised the gritty smell of smoke came from their now ruined breakfast. Levi quickly snatched the pan off the stove and placed it safely on a cooling rack. He hunched over the counter, arms spread out and holding onto the edge with head slung down. Eren examined their burnt food and gave a light chuckle.

“Of all things, only the broccoli managed to keep some of its colour. ‘Least that’s salvageable.”

Levi muttered under his breath. “Shit...shit fuck. Fuck.”

“It’s nothing Levi, shit happens all the time. C’mon, I’ll cook with you.”

Levi only shook his head, cursing several times and rubbing his eyes as if out of frustration.

Something was off, he sensed, and if there was one trait about Levi, it was that he didn’t like to tell his problems. Eren had quickly caught this on so all he could do was pull Levi in a tight embrace. The young man placed himself right under Levi’s collarbone, his ears right beside his beating heart.

Eren was relieved that Levi accepted his offer of comfort.

* * *

' _Cause you feed me fables from your head  
__with violent words and empty threats_

_And it’s sick that all these battles  
are what keeps me satisfied_

* * *

The moment he stepped into the apartment, Eren felt a queasy drop in his stomach.

That uneasy feeling when he realised the place looked different than from when he first left it this morning. Trashed wasn’t the word, but chaos had played its hand in this closed space. Levi would never allow doors of any sorts be left opened—a big pet peeve of his to see things sticking out in midair or in the middle of the walkway.

He was already in the kitchen when Eren walked in and set the groceries down. The stern expression he held set off another internal alarm.

“He—”

“Where the fuck were you?”

He froze midway and straightened himself up, green eyes attentive on Levi in search for any indication on why the man was in a nasty mood.

“Went out, I told you.”

Levi’s slap on the table made Eren jolt in surprise.

“You didn’t tell me shit,” he snarled, whipping towards the brunet in an angry glare. “Gone for what, three fucking hours, and I tried to call you but now I can’t even find my piece of crap phone.”

With every word, Eren’s expression distorted into that of agony. He opened his mouth, then closed again. Looked to the floor, eyes lining along the square tiles, wondering when Levi will ever notice that coffee stain in the corner that was made three days ago. Was he ignoring it or did he forget again? The two mixes of the most unusual characters. That queasy weight dangling above his stomach had now dropped with brutal impact.

“Levi...” Eren licked his dry lips, a careful whisper to his voice. “Levi, I told you this morning that I was going out to have your phone fixed...and that I was going to pick up groceries on my way back.”

It was dead, the silence that carried right after his words. They were okay with quietness—sometimes they needed a break and just being in each other’s presence was enough comfort—but this was a different quiet. It suffocated, it killed. It screamed loud ringing to his ears.

There was no true silence to this, rather a magnitude of unspoken words too grave to break out.

Levi lowered his head and brought a hand to his eyes. His voice was trembling. “Shit... Fuck.”

Today wasn’t the first time.

It won’t be the last.

.-.

The ear-splitting sound of glass shattering did more than pierce steel strings through his chest.

Eren was already on his feet before the book in his hands was properly bookmarked and closed, rushing into the washroom. There, Levi was hovering over the thousand shards, some too little to see and pick up, as he cleaned up the mess. He did not acknowledge Eren’s presence, instead muttered under his breath. Eren didn’t need his acknowledgement; without a word he joined Levi and reached to pick up the glass pieces.

“Leave.”

His hand hovered right above the first piece. Even after so many similar incidents, Eren didn’t know why he was still surprised. In a defiant tone, he simply refused.

“No.”

Levi quickly caught his wrist and shoved it away. Eren noticed the slight cut on Levi’s hand.

“Get. The fuck. Out,” he snarled. “Don’t clean up after the clusterfuck of my mess.”

Eren snatched out of Levi’s grip. Green eyes as solid and clear as the bright life that reflected off of them, he repeated his promise.

“ _No_.”

.-.

“Levi? Levi!” Eren found the person of interest by the balcony door, one hand on his hip while the other covering his mouth. A blank expression took control over his face and Eren knew it’ll take a while before he could break his wall today.

He held up his boxer in the air with one hooked finger, a teasing smirk showing his amusement. “Alright I’m sorry, should’ve thrown them in the laundry basket. But you didn’t have to go and throw them in the trash.”

“I didn’t know whose it was.”

The other man’s somber voice sobered Eren up. Levi hadn’t moved from his spot, eyes still out the window in a pensive state, hands still covering his mouth as if something grave had happened. Or will happen. Eren observed closely on the man and he did not enjoy one single thing about the slight frown on Levi. It appeared more often lately than Eren would’ve liked.

“Hey,” he said in a softer tone, “what’s up?”

“The first time I found you and picked you up, I hadn’t expected it to be this long.”

His words made a heavy pang against Eren’s chest.

“Thought I was never going to get out. But here it goes—”

“You didn’t ‘pick me up’ fuckhead, you _chose_ me, and I chose you, so quit with the dramatics and please tell me what’s going on.”

Only then when Levi turned to him, and God Eren wished he hadn’t. The dead set look in his gray eyes along with that firm thin line of his lips. The rest of Levi was composed, unveiling not a single hint of emotion for Eren to grasp and hold onto. He was a completely different person than from the night before, when they had dinner with Eren’s family.

Levi’s voice was raw and dangling on its last reserve of strength and will.

“Eren...”

.-.

He stormed in the house without a proper greeting. He didn’t need to, not this time. He had the right. He had the right while they certainly didn’t.

“What the fuck,” growled Eren, fire pitted against his chest. “What the _fuck_ did you say to him?”

His mother at first held a confused look before she sighed, immediately understanding the reason behind Eren’s outburst. Wiping her hands dry, Karla leaned against the sink and gave her son a stern look.

“Watch your mouth, boy.”

Eren held his breath and covered his face. Held it for a few seconds before blowing it all out, his initial rage along with it. He heard his father and Mikasa enter the premises and it only angered him more. He thought they liked him, he thought they accepted him.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said in a shaky voice. “I’m sorry but...what did you tell him, mom? I know it was you.”

Karla waited a good minute to give Eren some time. The whole family knew this was going to end in a nasty fight no matter which direction she’d take approach from.

“He’s a delightful man, Eren.”

“So what part of him pissed you off?!”

His father said his name in warning. Eren bit his lips in attempt to calm his anger. No one in the household should speak to Karla like that.

“He has no bad traits, we do like him,” she started again. “He’s just...too old for you, a bit on the seniors side.”

“He’s thirty-three, not seventy! Are you really going to use a stupid excuse like age against me?!”

Karla widened her eyes in a berating manner. “Eren Jaeger. You talk to me like that again and this conversation is _over_.”

Strike two and Eren bit his mouth shut. Eyes peered down to the kitchen tiles to keep from reminding himself that this was his own parents who were opposing the relationship. The fireball inside his stomach refused to quell, not when Levi had oh-so discreetly suggested a ‘break’ between them. What the hell does a ‘break’ mean?

Eren thought everything was fine; dinner with his family went smoother than he’d hope for and he saw no objections from either side, no indication that this could not work. He saw none, yet here he was—a kicked puppy running like a mad-dog after the source of his frustration. Levi’s aloofness, his cold shoulders, and more provoking of verbal jabs than usual. No person could make such a head-turning transformation in one night.

In a lowered voice but unable to keep the trembles away, Eren pleaded, “just..please, tell me. Is it...is it because of _that_?”

His mother looked every bit as tense and uncomfortable.

“He’s...he won’t be able to take care of you.”

“I can take care of myself just fine, mom.”

Karla shook her head. “He won’t be there for you, Eren. He’ll _leave_ you.”

Eren stood firm in his position, not a flinch to his strong and assured gaze at Karla. Arms motionless by his side, but hands curled into fists.

“He won’t leave me, and I won’t leave him.”

* * *

Early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

A very rare case of Alzheimer’s who were specific to those under the age sixty-five. People can be diagnosed as young as fifteen, but that was a next-to-impossible case. Statistics have shown hard facts of how uncommon it was, almost in light of its positivity.

Of the seven billion inhabiting this planet, Levi was amongst the 0.0025% who had early-onset Alzheimer’s, diagnosed at age thirty-three.

Memory loss, erratic emotions, behavioural issues—common traits. Skills would be lost, retirement would come early. Tension would rise with family and friends and the social scene would eventually become at a standstill. Daily life would become too complex for the person to live alone, and ultimately, all bodily functions would be lost.

Life expectancy: three to nine years.

Eren was hopeful. He still had eight and a half years, maybe even more, with Levi.

His partner not as much. He pushed away, cursed, yelled at Eren to leave. Intimidate with empty threats and spew poisonous words that didn’t mean anything from the heart, Eren knew. So he stayed and waited and patiently let Levi’s indignation fan out until he had no more energy to scare Eren away.

He was not going anywhere, he was not going to leave.

“You’re the one who ‘picked me up’ remember?” Eren set Levi’s hand to his chest, warm against the erratic beatings of his heart. “You’re the one who did all this to me so take responsibility.”

Levi placed a hand on the back of Eren’s neck and closed the gap between them in a longing kiss.

.-.

“The day at the art gallery,” Levi said after a long break of silence. “The doctor gave my diagnoses in the morning.”

Eren lazily looked up from his spot, quietly encouraging Levi to go on. They were in bed with the younger man splayed on top of the older, head rested on Levi’s stomach and hands playing with the hems of his shirt. It was a lazy Sunday, a peaceful break they finally earned after all the family drama and hectic mess.

“Saw this gorgeous guy at the gallery who I thought was annoying as fuck at first but you know what, my life was now cut short two-thirds—might as well go all out.”

A teasing smile crept on Eren’s face as he pulled himself up, straddling on his boyfriend’s hips. He engaged Levi in a playful eskimo kiss, giggling when Levi’s fingers found refuge under his shirt. This was one of those rare moments when he wanted no words to be spoken—mere silence, action, and expression is enough.

“And so you asked him on a date.”

“And so I asked him on a date.”

“A date where you acted quite unamiable and disrespectful, staring at other beauties instead of the one in front of you.”

Levi grinned, pushing up to give a peck on Eren’s lips. “What a fuckhead.”

“Fuckhead indeed,” agreed Eren, the scene of their first date replaying in his mind. Grabbing Levi’s hand, he intertwined their fingers into a tight lock. “I hope you plan on making it up for the rest of your life.”

Levi’s amusement dissolved into pain and heartbreak. He cupped Eren’s cheek and stroked with his thumbs in such a tender manner, that Eren thought he was going to fall apart under Levi’s wariness. His gray eyes were filled with exhaustion and agony that pierced through Eren’s chest like explosive shards. Never before had he witness such raw frailty—the strong resolve that he knew was Levi was absent just this moment.

“Eren,” Levi breathed out in a small tone. “I never thought it would be this long, that I’d fall so fucking hard.”

He sucked in a breath, letting the shrill of silence take over. Eren knew, what the unspoken words laid at the tip of Levi’s tongue were. _It wasn’t meant to be this serious, he didn’t know what he was going into. Never imagined that not one but two very involved people would get hurt in the end._

Levi’s wrong on one account though.

They were not going to be hurt. This was not a mistake.

Eren pressed a long kiss against Levi’s neck and whispered with shaky affections, heart throbbing from both joy and hurt.

“I love you too.”

.-.

_Now there's gravel in our voices  
Glasses shattered from the fight_

_But you'll always be my hero  
Even though you've lost your mind_

.-.

“Yeah and who the hell are you?”

Eren thought he was prepared for this. Levi’s occasional memory loss became more prominent as the weeks went on. Forgetting little things, spacing off, asking what he was supposed to do again—they were already well adept to these incidents. Sooner or later, Levi would start having troubles remembering the bigger fish, like his partner. He’d been preparing for a long time, those three words— _who are you_. He built up the reserve to battle the heavy weight hanging above his stomach, the instinctive urge to lurch and grab at his chest because he knew it’d be an awful feeling. Nasty.

It still hurt.

The gnawing at his heart slowed down a hundred times while he tried to compose himself with a steady smile. He braced for this but it still. Hurt. To hear the genuine confusion and absurdity in Levi’s voice, a thousand questions left unasked— _why was this stranger in his house_ , _why haven’t I seen him before_ , _who the hell invited him in_?

You. It was you who invited me in, you who suggested we live together because ‘why the hell not’. It was you who asked me to go do the laundry because it was ‘getting too piled up like a mountain of horseshit and it’s stinking up the damn place’, only for me to come back and hear you ask me this question for the first time.

There was a first time for everything, and Eren had prepared especially hard for this first time. But what the hell was he expecting—first times still hurt like a million pieces of your heart falling to the ground.

“Eren,” he managed out. Cleared his throat and said in a stronger voice. “I’m Eren Jaeger and...I’m your boyfriend...?”

“No you’re not.”

His instinctive response came hurdling at Eren, cutting off all confidence and hope. Only for that one moment. His smile rebounded and he slowly approached the wary man.

Eren then learned what it truly meant to face this illness. He’d have to look straight into Levi’s eyes, which would be full of disorientation and suspicion. His guarded look of accusations and his constant observation of Eren, because this boy was not to be trusted. He’d have to bear the body language—the slight turn of Levi’s shoulders, the notion of doubt and his preparedness to attack if Eren were to do anything, the unwillingness to open himself.

The silent statement that Eren was unwelcomed here, that he was a stranger and didn’t belong here.

That Levi had no recognition of who Eren was.

To see that in his eyes _killed_ Eren.

The first time was...brutal.

“One more step and I’ll have your balls strung up on the telephone wires outside,” snarled Levi. _Snarled_. A genuine threat fired at Eren—one Eren knew was full of truth.

He receded. Held his hands up in surrender and stalked outside, hearing Levi follow closely, no more than two steps behind, and visibly flinching when the door shut on him with an intentional bang. Sliding down against the wall, he buried his head in-between his crouched legs and waited...waited... Minutes later, he thought he heard footsteps but it was just their neighbour coming from the elevator and Eren managed a weak smile.

“Lovers’ spat.”

The neighbour understood and went on her way, leaving Eren alone in the hallway waiting again...waiting. He decided if calling Levi could help, but he rather not risk getting hung up. A short break was also in need—for he was still in dull ache. He knew Levi wouldn’t mean it, but the man still kicked him out. It was a bitter taste.

Eren let himself wonder if it was going to be like this every time—to see Levi’s genuine confusion and lack of recollection. If it would hurt this much every time, or will it slowly dwindle? He’d grow strong incident by incident, and maybe sooner or later, there would be no anguish felt.

A flash of Levi’s blank expression and his heart squeezed.

Who was he kidding?

Suddenly, the door sprang open and Eren looked to see a dishevelled Levi. His heavy breathing didn’t match up in levels of intensity with the amount of regret in his eyes.

“Shit.”

Eren was pulled into Levi’s arms before he could properly stand up, muscular arms holding him so tight as if Eren was going to disappear any minute. He was trembling. Eren wasn’t even aware of his own quivering. No words left the two of them. Reunion was enough.

The first time was tough.

.-.

Eren’s poor attempt at hiding his wince did not go unnoticed. Frowning, Mikasa pressed the cotton-ball harder against the gash, much to his protest.

The message was there unspoken, dangling in the air between them, waiting for the right time to come out. Eren knew what Mikasa was holding her breath to say and was half-thankful it was still hesitant on her part. He was tired of hearing the same things over and over again.

“It’s not that bad,” he said, making light of the situation. “I’ve been through worse.”

Lies, they both knew. Empty words of consolation. That was one thing Mikasa would not stand for.

“Eren—”

“Mikasa.”

He felt her eyes on him. He didn’t budge from his position and after what seemed like an eternity, she sighed.

“Remember to take care of yourself too, okay?”

He pinched his sister in response.

It was not a minute later when Levi barged in, took the wet cloth from Mikasa and nudged her aside. Straight to work he went, as Levi continued to wipe clean Eren’s wound and apply a large bandage over. He ignored Mikasa’s glare and focused his attention on treating Eren. Not one single eye-contract with the young man.

Eren gave his sister a look and Mikasa quietly left the room. The look of remorse across his boyfriend’s face made his chest throb more than his fresh wound. An accident like this was never as big, as severe. It’d never resulted in Eren being physically hurt and that crossed the line. It snapped the tense strings in Levi.

“Why?” Levi muttered. “I get fucking constipated trying to figure out why you’re still here.”

Eren simply smiled.

Levi brought his injured up and planted a soft kiss on the bandaged wound. He was shit at verbalizing apologies, Eren knew; and that was why he wasn’t satisfied and pointed to his lips, demanding more.

Levi was more than willing to make amends.

.-.

He had been secretive lately. Awfully attentive and protective of his right thigh. At first Eren thought Levi injured it but quickly dismissed the guess. It was the sneaky body-language that set him off and whenever Eren asked, Levi averted the conversation to another topic.

Sometimes he’d pull out a wrinkly piece of paper from his pants pocket, the weird look on Levi’s face telling Eren that the older man was just as befuddled. Then a second later, Levi would straighten and walk out of Eren’s sight. The brunet didn’t follow—intuition said that Levi needed to be alone.

It wasn’t until one laundry day, that same piece of paper forgotten by Levi was now in Eren’s hands. Rumpled and ripped as ever, the handwritten note Eren was able to make out stunned him to stone. He forgot how to breathe, the words resounding in his head.

‘ _you have AD. don’t take the box out. it’s an engagement ring for your boyfriend, eren. its not time yet, don’t show anything, hide it._ ’

Should he...put it back? Put it on the laundry machine?

Levi answered for him.

“Well, fuck.”

Eren whipped his head around, his flabbergasted expression still present. He felt like a child who was just caught red-handed for stealing cookies from the cookie jar. Except that, well this involved him so he had the...right? Levi took a seat beside Eren, snatched away the note with a hopeless sigh.

“I was hoping for a...better proposal.”

Eren lightly scoffed. “I think I’m the one who should be saying that.”

Levi dawdled, folded the piece of paper again and again until it became too small and then proceeded to unfold. Eren had an impatient air exuding, silently pushing Levi to say the words. Words could not even describe how giddy he was, his heart was jumping three times as fast and high and at this point, Eren was sure it’d be joining his mind in cloud nine soon.

Levi crumpled the note with a resounding crunch.

“So...”

“So...?”

“Will you...” The man angled his head to look at Eren in an abashed way. Levi, abashed. “Will you marry me?”

Eren broke out into a large bright smile, then halted midway. “Wait, where’s my ring?”

An eye roll and a scoff. “ _Your_ ring.”

Eren hummed, half-aware of the jab for he was all too focused on the silver band tucked innocently in the velvet slot. Thin and simple, yet sleek and priceless. It felt right on his finger, fitting, like it belonged there.

Levi blew out a long sigh, like a heavy weight had been pushed off of his shoulders. “Now you’re stuck with me. There’s no going back.”

The younger one pulled him into a deep kiss.

 _"You_ were stuck with _me_ the moment you bought me that strawberry sundae.”

.-.

_So maybe I’m a masochist  
I try to run, but I don’t want to ever leave_

_‘Till the walls are going up  
In smoke with all our memories_

.-.

And it became just a little easier. A bit more calming for Eren whenever he was asked.

It became a little different whenever he saw unfamiliarity in Levi’s questioning gaze, his instinctive backing away, or the sudden disturbance in his countenance.  He was always assured; there was never a moment of doubt.

But it became even more natural to approach Levi, cup his cheeks when he was allowed, and gently remind Levi.

“I’m Eren, your husband.”

.-.

It honestly hadn’t hit him how easily something could be taken away just as it was given.

They were enjoying an evening stroll after dinner, a little after rush-hour so traffic on the roads weren’t so bad. A phone call came in and Eren took to chat with Armin for a while. They stopped at a red light, Eren briefly looking away to admire the fire-ablaze sunset lining the city skylines when a heart-stopping honk snapped him back.

Levi was still walking ahead.

His arms reacted faster than his mind, grabbing at his husband and yanking him back to safety. No later than a millisecond did Levi find himself in Eren’s desperate embrace. Time stood still, everything around them became a complete blur. Sounds entering his ears were incoherent to his mind, which was numb and fuzzy. What happened?

Levi almost died, is what.

Fidgeting against him made him aware of how tight his hold was, making Levi slap the side of Eren’s head when one hand was freed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Mind loosening up, you big oaf?”

Eren didn’t budge. His mouth opening and closing in silent stammers and finally swallowing that big sticky lump stuck at his throat. Levi didn’t realise, he hadn’t remember, how he almost walked straight into death’s door. And then, he would’ve been gone. Away. No more in Eren’s life.

The young man let out a shaky breath, the thought too overwhelming to repress. He buried himself against Levi’s chest, overjoyed to catch his steady heartbeat. Attempts of suppressing him his whimpers failed miserably, for he could not hold in his choked breathes any longer.

It hit him that day.

 _Gone_.

.-.

“Eren.”

“Hmm?”

“What do you think about little brats?”

Eren opened his eyes lazily and peered up. Bathing in the afternoon sun was getting too comfortable for Levi apparently, and he had to start a conversation.

“By that you mean the ones in the floor above us, constantly jumping and waking you up from sleep, or ‘little brats’ as in Bert and Annie’s strangely quiet ones?”

“Little brats running around us, you ass.”

Eren shot up from spot, ignoring the head-rush that hit him full-front. Something even more shocking had crashed in and that was Levi’s nonchalant hint of...expanding the family.

Levi, however, held a bitter smile. “So when my ass is finally gone from this god-forsaken world, you won’t be left alone.”

He didn’t have the strength to hit his husband. The tear-blurred sight would make him miss anyway.

.-.

Through hospital runs, hysteric fits, and long-running games of guess-who-this-is, Eren was pretty sure he had it figured out.

Six years was a long way from home when they first began, where the young man had no idea what he was going into. No experience, no knowledge, just a body full of conviction and passion. Today, he was a patient man. One who found a balance between stage-6 Alzheimer’s and a normal domestic life—as close to normal as they can get.

The girls came tumbling into their life a year after Levi’s initial mention of adoption. Couldn’t say it wasn’t one of the best decisions they made—little pretty petals they were to the stem of their family. And while Eren was on parent duty 24/7, he didn’t mind so as long they bring life to Levi’s smile.

The rest of the years—well, it became a slow ticking countdown. A year was not 365 days anymore; it was _one_ more year, then _two_ , _three_ until stage-6 hit. A slow regression to complete lack of awareness—Levi was now entirely dependent on Eren’s care. It was also then Levi rarely remembered his family.

Eren was deeply thankful for their daughters’ matured understanding and overwhelming ability to forgive. They possessed the patience of angels, explaining again and again who they were to Levi.

His husband took time to allow himself solitude every day. He would hover over his desk, as if hiding a big secret, and be lost in scribbling in a leather-bound journal. It had become his time and Eren respected that—would go mind his own business without ever questioning about the book. It seemed to help Levi—the brunet noticed fewer angry outbursts from hiim—like some sort of outlet for the constantly confused man.

But those were the old days, when Levi could move freely and still had some control over his body. When he wasn’t lying in bed all day, waiting for years to pass by before the final stage.

And they kept on counting...

 _three, two, one_ —

.-.

Miracles did exist.

They were small and rare, hard to come by and you had to be patient, gently waiting for them to be coaxed out of their shells. And when you least expected it, they’d come tumbling down, almost crashing into you like soft waves and turn into heated storms brewing inside your chest.

“I love you,” Eren murmured beside Levi as they waited for sleep to settle in.

“I love you too.”

Eren blinked. It was rare for Levi to response, at this stage of Alzheimer’s. “Do you know who I am though?”

“..Er-renn?”

He lifted his head in astonishment, a large smile breaking out. “Yes, yes I am Eren!”

“Didn’t I date a young man named Eren?”

It felt hot and stuffy, even when a chilly breeze passed through the room. Eren tried to swallow that strange growing lump in his throat, but it was hard. His chest was constricted, face contorted in overwhelming emotions—hahah, bet he was a hideous sight—and there was nothing he could do about the hot tears collecting in his eyes.

Choked out a stifling laugh and placed himself cheek-to-cheek against Levi.

“Yes, yes you did. I love you.”

Miracles could happen.

— _zero._

* * *

Eren loved the way Levi carried himself with dignity.

His resolve unrelenting, refusing to crumble even when he was at wit’s end and closely by death’s door. He held strong for both himself and Eren. Especially for Eren—and he loved the man more than ever for it.

The girls had taken their turns greeting and speaking with their daddy upon arrival, blabbering endlessly about their first day of school and how they stood up to this mean bully in their class. Always full of words and wonders, their little brats. Levi would reward them for punching the poor mean kid in the face.

He was right; Eren would have been lonely without their daughters’ presence.

When finished, Eren let the two run off and play under the nearby oak tree. It stood tall and vigil over the many who laid in this field. Pulling out a leather-bound journal, Eren sat in front of the stone grave and opened to a random page.

“Let’s see what today’s entry will be,” chirped Eren.

Years of writing were stored permanently in this book. Some entries were written daily, while others had gaps up to an entire month in-between. Levi’s distinctively neat handwriting withered into wiggly chicken-scratch by the end, where it was almost incomprehensible for Eren to read. Nonetheless, every single page was filled to the brim.

With descriptions of their life, events that occurred, his most intimate thoughts. Mundane activities that seemed foreign and distant now, but they brought Eren back to a time when one was two and the two of them were one. What always made Eren smile were the observations made, meticulously recorded in the journal.

_Eren likes strawberries.—Eren’s wearing your flannel shirt, don’t forget. He likes mac’n’cheese, and you make the best—Eren likes to take long walks after dinner, join him. Whatever he does or tell you, don’t get a fucking dog; you didn’t agree to it and never will.—Eren really likes strawberries, buy him lots._

Halfway through the journal, the Levi who’d forget started contributing. It was pretty damn funny to read his rants and cursing—oh, there were cursing abundant. Demanding who this brown-haired kid was and why he was sleeping on the same bed, why he suddenly came in the room naked, why he was spoon-feeding him oatmeal.

It made the struggles a bit easier to remember and cherish.

It was a good full eight years, Eren had to say. No regrets.

_Eren fell asleep on the damn couch again, the dumb koala. With the TV remote right under his big ass. How the fuck am I supposed to watch TV all night and stay by him with the fucking remote gone? He looks at peace—not going to wake him. Deserves the rest, after taking care of my weak ass all day. What the fuck. This kid loves me way too much._

He had all his favourite entries bookmarked. They were all favourites, speaking with a biased mind, but sometimes when Eren was alone in their queen-sized bed, still two pillows instead of one, and that gnawing ache threatened to return and eat away his heart, Eren would pull out the journal and go to a favourite passage.

_He is Eren Jaeger, he’s your best friend, boyfriend, husband. Co-father of two beautiful girls. He loves you._

_I love him. Don’t hurt him. Please remember him._

His sight was getting blurrier and blurrier, no doubt from the tears pooling in his eyes.

It really did wonders. And Eren entertained on the idea that Levi perhaps made this for him, to help him cope with loneliness and just...the _absence_ of his husband. Eren loved the way hid the journal. He loved the way he kept secret of his earnest desires and efforts to remember Eren the best as he could, the way Levi lied about his welfare so Eren didn’t have to worry, loved the way Levi concealed his utter fear of _forgetting Eren_.

It hurt really, to know just how much affection and devotion Levi held and now...

Eren skimmed down to a random passage. This time, it was a Levi who had forgotten about his husband.

_Woke up to the sound of footsteps outside the room. What the fuck, a thief? Hell fucking no, it was some shaggy-haired kid, half naked by the fucking way, who was cooking cholesterol-inducing breakfast. What is he doing? Who the hell gave him the right to be here? Who is this illegally-attractive brat living in my personal quarters?_

Eren let out a scoffing chuckle. Snapping the book shut, he looked to the gravestone— _Levi Jaeger-Ackerman. Beloved friend, husband, father._ He wiggled his wedding ring, twisting it around out of habit, then lifted his left hand to give his fingers a wiggle. He gave a mirthful look.

“This attractive brat is your husband, Levi. And don’t you forget it.”

.-.

_I love the way you lie._

**Author's Note:**

> _“I know what you think, that I don’t look like a terribly strong person. But I love him, and he loves me. We’re going to fight this illness together.” –Jane Hawking, The Theory of Everything_
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> Grandpa, I love you. credits for one of the scenes [here.](http://hagane-no-kokoro.tumblr.com/post/113934671889/erelah-tabbris-holyromanhomo-ugly-crying-god) more fics on the [tumblr.](http://no-other-words.tumblr.com/masterficlist) kudos, comments, and especially little critiques greatly appreciated!


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